Thursday 22 January 2015

People will never forget how you made them feel

The ultimate truth is often the truth you don't want to hear.

Last night, over dinner with friends, we were talking about the people society tends to reject. All sorts of groups were mentioned, prisoners, foreigners, sex offenders. I personally wanted to think about the frosty treatment we show to people who just come across as a little strange but seem acceptable by every other measure.

Can we make a difference? Photo by David Marcu
Anyway, the conversation turned to our ability to accept and care for people generally... Now, please don't get me wrong, I'm told that I am a fairly caring person but, all the same, I was left feeling convicted by how shallow my concern for others really is.

So I'm left asking myself, as I'm sure we all are from time to time: Am I willing to care to the point where I am truly motivated to do something about it? My goal is not some great act of selfless generosity, but simply caring enough to be a blessing in other people's lives, rather than someone who merely passes through their day.

Surely to shine a light in someone else's life, to bring a smile and touch their heart is a way to restore dignity to all of us where we've known rejection or isolation?

Curator of wisdom, Maya Angelou, once said:
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 
But how do we get there on a daily basis? How, when it comes to those everyday situations, can I learn to care more deeply about other people rather than focus on my selfish needs?

One of my favourite maxims comes from Che Guevara who advised his children to always aim "to feel keenly the suffering of others". Whatever you think of the doctor turned revolutionary, the only alternative seems to be to learn to ignore people - and that can't be good can it?

Strong hearts and open doors

As a circle of friends, I know we need to accomplish this without being worn out. We've been burnt in this area before and the truth is that some of us, myself included, are reticent to go there again.

As we turned over the idea and tried, with failing hearts, to come up with a solution, an esteemed friend came up with a little insight. He described the image of a city that had high walls but was also able to keep its gates open. The suggestion being that it was because of the high city walls that there was enough security to keep the gates open...'

In other words, it is when you are strong that you can be a strength to others. But that doesn't necessarily mean waiting till you have enough confidence or determination. My friends are already a strength to me, and I feel it is vital to continue to develop our hearts communally (as well as spiritually) if we are to have the strength to reach out in generosity on a daily basis. 

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